the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
