We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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