It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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