We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
