I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
