dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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