Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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