his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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