thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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