its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We got so high we made milksteak
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
