you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
