He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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