So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
