He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
