I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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