i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
