We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
