Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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