I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
