you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
