Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
