nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
