All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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