Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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