My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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