I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Two words: blizzard sex
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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