I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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