my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
