wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
