Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
