omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My pussy is not your playground.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize