i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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