he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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