just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
