I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
