I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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