we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
