"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
