go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
