Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
People in love make me want to vomit
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
