she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
