So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
