Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
