Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
