Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
