All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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