y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
