The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
