guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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