apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
