508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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