You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
